I was 11 or 12 weeks pregnant. When light bleeding started the other day, I made an appointment at Planned Parenthood. Because I don’t have insurance. There was not a man outside telling people not to go in, but there had been earlier, I was told. As a person who doesn’t have insurance or a high income, I was eligible for free service, I was told. Unfortunately, It turns out Planned Parenthood does not treat pregnant women. So, I didn’t get to see the doctor and they referred me to the ER.

I went home. I felt OK. The light bleeding continued. I went on with my day.

In the middle of the night, the heavy bleeding started. So much blood and tissue, flushed away. This was certainly a miscarriage; there was no way it could not be. It was merely uncomfortable at first. Later came the sharp, intense cramps. Those were what got me to have my husband wake up my dad (we are in Texas on a visit right now) to take me to the Emergency Room at 3:30am. My mom gave me two Tylenol and those kicked in just as we arrived at the hospital, thankfully. The pain had had me moaning and breathing deeply for the past hour. It felt like what I imagine labor pain must feel like. (I never went into labor in my first pregnancy and then had a c-section.)

In the end, I had a blood test to confirm the loss of the pregnancy and received a piece of paper confirming the inevitable miscarriage. The doctor, a woman younger than me, was kind and knowledgable. She reassured me that I could very likely get pregnant again in the coming months. Do we want to, is a question. Apparently having a miscarriage is a random event and a result of misalignment of the chromosomes when the egg and sperm unite. It’s not something caused by the woman’s body or lifestyle, necessarily.  I went home and went back to sleep for a couple of hours. All day yesterday I stayed home and rested. 

I had told quite a few friends. Now I know why they say to wait until the 2nd trimester before announcing it to people. I didn’t wait. And I am okay with telling these friends, the sad truth: I had a miscarriage. I lost the baby.