Yesterday /Ayer — 21 de Junio — 10 Q’anil (SEED) — the manifestation of growth; a day of light and heat and waking up at four o’clock in the a.m. with a burning need to write, to process the despair in the air, the sadness heavy in our collective heart, the determination to do something, to stop this cruel insanity.
Yesterday spun from a dark dawn to a bright morning, walking hand-in-hand with the light of my life, my compact joy, my precious Jade.
Yesterday encompassed storytelling, howling like wolves, slithering like snakes, meowing and hissing and spreading our wings, coloring with magic markers and wild children. Salvajes!
Yesterday with a cherished friend, a heroine, we sang and sweated and scrubbed salt on our skin and slimy aloe vera on our faces and in our hairs — emerging from our chakra chant cave into the fading light of a hazy sunset fresh and realigned, renewed and ready to face the challenges life brings.
Yesterday, at home and out in the world, was a day to spontaneously rejoice, to give thanks to the sun, el sol, Tata Inti.
The ants are everywhere. Mosquitoes buzzing in our ears, flies of all sizes, scorpions scurrying out from dry hiding places, spider communities weaving condominiums of webs in the garden. It’s rainy season in Guatemala, and all our insect friends are seeking shelter.
Furthermore, we are all getting older with each passing moment. Aches and pains come with greater frequency. Just this week, I tripped on the stairs and twisted my ankle. It was sore for two days, immediately followed by the arrival of an intense stabbing sensation in my upper back that made me feel elderly, as it caused excruciating pain whenever I tried to reach for something or bend over. Gradually, it’s getting better, though the soreness is still there.
Do you ever have the feeling that “someday” — after you get through the current difficulty — life will be good again? Just past this uncomfortable or even painful challenge, we will reclaim contentment and ease! We will be healthy, gainfully employed following our bliss, in harmony with our partners and families, and restored as an all-around kind, wise, compassionate, intelligent, inspired and inspiring beings on the planet. When we get bigger. When we grow up…
What a farce. The reality is that life is never going to reach this ideal state. There always have been and always will be a continuum of suffering to deal with, from paper cuts to bug bites to misled ego-based arguments to rampant corruption, confusion, contamination, death and taxes. These are the facts of life. The more we can accept them and let go of viewing them as negative nuisances to be avoided or resisted, the better. My practice lately is to instead acknowledge and experience whatever irritation arises with direct awareness, if not utter gratitude for the tiny opportunity for learning that it brings.
On another note: the present, beyond-imaginable situation facing immigrants, including children, who’ve attempted to cross the southern U.S. border and are being criminalized and detained, their families separated indefinitely by official policy enacted in April — show the true colors of Trump and all the government leaders and stupid citizens who support him: heartless, tiny-brained, self-centered worms.
Everyone with an open heart is upset, and many people are trying to organize meaningful actions. The masses desensitized to the constant lies and inhumane practices of this administration are waking up and saying No, this is too much, we cannot stand for this.
The root of the problem of illegal immigration stems from interminable situations in countries such as Guatemala(and so many others) where people are so driven to desperately try to escape the cycle of poverty and crime which surrounds them that they are willing to risk their lives and lose their families for a chance at higher earnings en el Norte.
The roots of this unjust situation were put into place 500 years ago through colonization and more recently (in the mid-20th century) through the United States’ CIA operations to destabilize pretty much all Latin American governments. Why? To maintain a profitable bottom-line for soulless corporations and keep a system in place that continues to benefit only those with the most wealth and power. To keep the oppressed oppressed. There is a pitiful irony in these same oppressed people seeking asylum right in the place where the oppressors rule.
This is more than a buzzing nuisance, it is the air we breathe and the society of which each of us is a member. The ever-widening gap between filthy rich and downtrodden poor? When will it be enough? Will the tides of our world ever turn to provide basic human rights for so many struggling just to eat decent meals and drink clean water and have a roof over their heads and a warm bed to sleep in?
Those of us who are lucky enough to have food to eat and houses to shelter us must step in and help, in whatever ways we can, for no one can truly be free until all beings are.
I don’t know what day it is, what time it is, who I am, where I am going, why I am here
I have no vision, no mission, no direction home
I am just not sure and probably never will be but rather just go on continuing to occasionally think that I feel the solid ground under my feet and stand on it, soles on the Earth yet knowing realizing remembering that Mama Earth can shake and quake and break all the more because we are baking her with our carbon dioxide gases contamination station melting glaciers that ought not be melted
I don’t know what we are doing to our planet, to each other in society, in community, ruining our home and doing so much that is counter to love if not outright hate at its worst.
Skin color body size shape of hips, thighs, belly aches—the all important physical realm
Detox from the media the incessant internet nebulous news feed—turn it off, disconnect, shut down
Clear your mind and stop and look around for goodnesssake gaze at the trees, sky, lake, ocean, river, mountain and field and feel. Feel what you feel in this moment, whatever thought idea memory plan worry story hope fear and just let it be. Let it arise and pass away. Just as all relationships arise and pass away. Just as we all arise and pass away. Transform.
The point is to keep writing, keep going, don’t give up, cause the only way out is through. Whatever arises, let it arise and keep an open heart. Pay attention. Put forth effort, skillfully. Hear the sounds outside and listen to the voices within. Come back to the present over and over. Recall the gift of gratitude, the fountain of happiness within, just for the simplicity of being and breathing and looking out the window of your soul.
There is energy all around you, pulsating out and inward in the four directions. Inhale. Go up high into the sky, into the universe. Exhale. Come back down to Earth, into the core of the Earth. Right here. Right now. Open your broken heart. Abide in love.
Some much comes and goes. So little remains the same. Flow with the current of change.
I tend toward the YIN, meaning feminine, meaning soft and earthy.
Recently, I had the opportunity to express my YANG, meaning masculine, meaning strong and fiery. And it was hard and it gave me a splitting headache and vertigo and insomnia, but in the end it was GOOD.
It feels so good to say know when it’s right to say no, when saying “yes, sure, okay, why not?” has been your pattern for eons.
Give it a try:
“No, I will not do that.”
“No, I am not going there.”
“No, I am not going to engage in that habit/pattern/behavior/addiction anymore.”
Why not? Because our time and talent is worth more. Because we cannot and do not want to be flexible and accommodating anymore, when the other party is rigid and exclusive. Because our energy will be spent in the way we choose, from moment to moment, every day.
We all have feminine and masculine energies within us, waiting to be balanced. May we find equilibrium and the essential equality of yin and yang, of yes and no.
There are endless possibilities. May we continue to explore them.
HOW TO KNOW NO
There was a giant No.
That No rained.
That No created a tremendous blizzard.
That No made a dent on the coffee table.
That No was the greatest No of No’s in the universe.
That No showered and hailed.
That No created sunshine, and simultaneous eclipse of the sun and moon.
That No was a lady’s legs with nicely heeled shoes.
That No is the best No of all.
When a gentleman smiles, a good man.
That No is the best of the hips.
When you watch the gait of youths as they walk with alternating cheek rhythm,
When you watch their behinds,
That No is fantastic thighs, not fat or thin but taut in their strength,
Loveable or leaveable.
That No is shoulders that turn in or expand the chest, sad or happy,
Without giving in to a deep sigh.
That No is No of all No’s.
Relaxation or restraint is in question.
Nobody knows that Big No,
But we alone know that No.
This No is in the big sky, painted with sumi ink eternally.
This Big No is tattooed on our genitals.
This Big No is not purely freckles or birthmark,
But this Big No is real Big No.
Sky is blue,
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
And therefore this Big No is No.
Let us celebrate having that monumental No.
The monolithic No stands up and pierces heaven;
Therefore, monolithic No also spreads vast as the ocean.
Let us have great sunshine with this No No.
Let us have full moon with this No No.
Let us have cosmic No.
The cockroaches carry little No No’s,
As well as giant elephants in African jungles—
Copulating No No and waltzing No No,
Guinea pig No No,
We find all the information and instructions when a mosquito buzzes.
We find some kind of No No.
Let our No No be the greatest motto:
No No for the king;
No No for the prime minister;
No No for the worms of our subjects.
Let us celebrate No No so that Presbyterian preachers can have speech impediments in proclaiming No No.
Let our horses neigh No No.
Let the vajra sangha fart No No—
Giant No No that made a great imprint on the coffee table.