My Life Is Over.

Everything suddenly erupted at once like an irate volcano.

A summary. I had my worst fight ever with my husband. I saw clearly that I am my own worst enemy. I took actions which led to me being fired, effective immediately, from my teaching position. I gave the gossipers in my community plenty of new grist on which to mill.

I’m feeling the urge to hide in a cave until Mercury goes direct on February 11. I’d like to go on to the Himalayas, but I know that isn’t the answer. The wisdom of no escape. Plus, logistics. And money.

This week, I have sought (and found) solace in the city, of all places. Guate. My former home. My aversion. I am grateful for you now, Guate. I’m sorry for all those mean things I said before.

I cannot be at home right now. Yet home is wherever I am.

I am living in paradise and paradox. I need space and time. I need to sleep, shut down, restart. I need to connect with advocates, friends and strangers. I need to remember all the amazing spiritual teachings I have been blessed to encounter in my precious human life so far. I also need to forget them.

My schedule is suddenly wide open, which rocks, but my bank account won’t be refilling itself automatically anymore, which is worrisome.

It’s okay. Things are both falling apart and coming together. Meltdowns lead to breakthroughs. This I know for sure. It ain’t my first time at the rodeo, as y’all say in Texas.

In the wake of my personal turmoil, a dear friend reminded me of something I shared with her in yoga class years ago, a variation on the traditional metta aspirations. May they be of benefit.

May all beings feel contented and pleased,
May all beings feel protected and safe.
May our physical bodies support us with strength.
May our lives unfold smoothly with ease.

clinging

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s