Moment-to-moment success

Life is a succession of moments; to live each one is to succeed. ~Corita Kent 

Oh, life. It’s funny isn’t it? This morning, my intention was to lighten up. Be more playful. Nothing is that big a deal.

My mind changes from moment to moment, sometimes drastically. Plans are made, revised, scrapped, made again, dropped again. Goals are set, consciously or subconsciously, and benchmarks are met. Or not.

Sometimes, it feels like there’s a constant battle inside my head. The twins duel: the sweet, patient yogini-teacher and the fiery, unyielding demi-goddess-slash-tortured-writer. It’s a lot more fun when I can observe these two (among many other) personas within myself from an amused vantage point. “Oh, look, there she is again,” rather than, “Sh*t, why am I so conflicted so much of the time?!”

Meditation makes this amused vantage point possible. Meditation has been flirting with me since 2003, but things have started to shift in the best of ways since May of this year, when I made my sitting practice a daily commitment. Every morning, no matter where I am or how I feel, I take the time to take slow, deep, mindful breaths. It doesn’t take much. Five minutes makes a world of difference.

In line with my personality’s extremism, I have traversed over the past few years from planning obsessively to aiming to drop all plans, altogether. Now, I seek The Middle. Planning, yes, but then dropping my attachment to the plan. Declaring personal goals and spending some of my precious meditative time and energy on “creative visualization” or “manifestation projects.” The key is letting go of the need for those precise visions to come true.

I spent a crucial segment of my twenties steeped in visualization practices, repeating affirmations. I was all New Agey. Then I had a nervous breakdown. Then The Secret came out and I watched the DVD and despised every minute of it. Due to my recently unearthed (and irrational) fear of having another breakdown if I get back into regular visualization, I am facing the fear, shining light on it, and embracing some of my old New Age tendencies. I have some pretty ambitious manifestation projects in the works. Luckily, this time around, I am grounded in reality and willing and able to do the day-to-day, moment-to-moment HARD WORK to make these dreams happen. Stay tuned…  ;)

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